I almost started off a cathartic note with “Dear ____,” but then I realized that I am a legal adult now and am no longer allowed to do such overtly petty and childish things.

contains 30,086 different English words within it; Joyce’s Finnegans Wake is considered a harder read.

Finnegan’s Wake Boundary Waters 2013? 

 I sent you a package, UChicago. Don’t choke on it. 

 There’s something primally pleasing about bringing sternum-tickling bass to life. 

 When you route me to an intersection and tell me to take a left turn when none are allowed it does not help to reroute me to another intersection where, surprisingly, left turns are still not allowed.

Note:

Important emails shouldn’t be written at 2 in the morning on a week night, for they end up losing coherency and flow. They also exhibit a tendency to end up overly saucy. 

Transcribing four thousand typed words to four thousand handwritten words seems like a paltry task, but I imagine the Romans said the same thing about defending their empire against Germanic tribes.